The Wrap Up (20)

My first semester at Brigham Young University is quickly coming to a close and the craziness is setting in. Finals are a buzz, but tests and papers are due even before I can think about that. To top it all off I am going on my third day of being miserably sick. It's funny how everything can seem to hit you all at once. I'm grateful for this time of year though. I want to work on being more organized so the busyness isn't as overwhelming.

December is a time for friends and family and I want to take as much miscellaneous stress out of that as possible. In order to maintain peace in this storm I want to continue to keep Christ close. I will continue to do all that I can to be a positive influence, whether it is through word or deed. This blog has been a way for me to reach to a diverse audience and influence them to do something. To set goals, realize their potential, or to just laugh and carry a happy disposition with them. I want to be a motivator and an inspiration, and I know that as I follow Christ this can be made possible. After all He is the perfect example.

With the end of this semester I do not intend to end this blog. Although it can seem a pain to upkeep at times I know that it stretches me as a writer, and I am always up for the challenge as far as growing and developing is concerned. I'm excited for the great ideas and plans I have for this blog's future and i hope I follow through with them in magnificent ways. Writing can be powerful and I know I want mine to make the mark.

My Analysis of the 2014 North Carolina Senate Race (19)

          The title “midterm election” is reasonably straightforward; a midterm election is an election that takes place midway through a president’s four year term. Select senators and every member of the House of Representatives stand for election or re-election during midterms. Historical data shows significant differences between midterm and presidential elections, including: differences in campaign issues and voter turnout. For example, campaign issues for presidential elections tend to be much broader (i.e. international affairs) because the president not only represents Americans, they become a global figure and leader. While midterm campaign issues are more targeted at the current concerns of the state and district the candidates desire to represent. Alongside the differences in campaign issues is the difference of voter turnout. Typical voter turnout is about 40% in midterm elections while voter turnout trends for presidential elections range from 50-60%. There are a few speculations as to why voter turnout is repeatedly lower: spending is significantly lower in midterm elections and in turn election coverage throughout the media is typically less. With less hype and focus surrounding midterm elections, fewer people value midterm officials and issues as a top priority; resulting in shorter lines at the polls.

            The 2014 North Carolina Senate race was one of the most unpredictable Congressional competitions the United States has seen in years. In the months leading up to last week’s midterm election both candidates were running neck and neck with Democratic incumbent, Kay Hagan, 1-4 percentage points ahead in the polls. Nothing could be conclusive though, because the margin of error is +/-2. Based on her support from minorities, incumbency advantage, and campaign finances, I, along with many sources, was convinced that Kay Hagan would ultimately win the Senate seat.

            In 2008, Kay Hagan marginally beat Republican incumbent, Elizabeth Dole, in her race for the Senate mainly due to minority support. Many attribute Hagan’s tight win to President Obama’s election as the first African American U.S. President. Obama’s popularity brought many Democrat supporters to the polls that year and an unprecedented amount of African American voters. The Democratic Party is very familiar with support from minorities because of its stance on immigration, gay marriage, and women’s rights. In the North Carolina debates during this election, all three of these controversial topics were presented for discussion between Kay Hagan and Thom Tillis. Hagan maintained her position and Democratic Party values by supporting all three making her competitive and a prime candidate to represent minorities. Kay not only pronounced her views, but accused Thom Tillis of “not understanding women” as it pertains to the contraceptive controversy. Many ads and debates show an outspoken Hagan zealously supporting minorities and their “best interests.”

             

           Gaining support from minorities does not guarantee a win in North Carolina, but incumbency also plays a significant role in this election and many others historically and recently. The most important advantages of the incumbent title are: name recognition and government resources. Name recognition is important for incumbents because voters are familiar with the name on the ballot after years of previous work in office. Name recognition is said to be one of the major obstacles that challengers face in elections, but this race was different in the aspect of Thom Tillis’ name also being familiar. Tillis is known in North Carolina as the former Speaker of the House; and although running for a Senate seat is different, his name is more popular than other challengers can claim when competing against an incumbent. Hagan also had the incumbent advantage of government resources. The biggest factor of this advantage is money; but aside from financials, support from well-known political figures is definitely a plus for any candidate seeking office. Bill Clinton is in fact the political figure who openly supported Hagan’s re-election campaign. Incumbency is a crucial advantage in Congressional races and may have been a factor in the initial pre-election polls.

            Campaign finances always carry a lot of weight in elections because the more money a candidate receives the more advertising is credited to their campaign, boosting their name and picture recognition. The 2014 North Carolina Senate race was so expensive no other races from this year can compare. In fact the final numbers still haven’t been reported, but many sources are claiming this race to be one of the most expensive in Senate history. How many millions of dollars are estimated in the funding of these two candidates? Over 100 million. Colorado’s race was second, but trailed by almost 20 million dollars. Why was this money spent in such large amounts? North Carolina was known to be a close race long before November 4^th, making it a key factor in the GOP reclaiming control of the Senate and Congress as a whole. With this in mind, the majority of this money was provided by Super PACs and nonprofits belonging to both major parties. Hagan used a significant amount of this money to run negative ads (i.e. Thom Tillis-Terrible for Education) though, and many speculate whether these ads hurt her more than helped. Thom Tillis put his money to good use and can be seen as an NRA affiliate in one of his major ads. This is significant because North Carolina is heavily populated by military and gun activists. His other ads primarily focus on linking Hagan to Obama and many North Carolina voters, and voters in general, currently view Obama in a negative light.

            In the end, the support from minorities, incumbency advantage, and campaign finances did not prove to be enough for Hagan to be re-elected to the Senate. It is difficult to pinpoint the exact tactic that Tillis used to one up Hagan, but most venture to say that when it all came down to it the independent voters supported Tillis rather than their own third party candidate (Sean Haugh) or Hagan. Tillis also got a surprisingly high amount of women voters, for a Republican candidate, this could be due to the fact that he is a former PTA President and isn’t terrible for education after all.

Wise Food For Thought (18)

“The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool.” 

- William Shakepeare

There are three types of people in this world: the fools, the wise, and the transitioners. The above quote states that fools think they are wise. The prominent reason for thinking this is because they surround themselves with other fools they believe to be wise. Fools are satisfied with their position in life and cling onto their idea of “wisdom” even in death. It is strange to think of wise men as fools, but when considered, wise men know this because as they learn and explore this world and the knowledge it has to offer, they bring more responsibility upon themselves. Unlike fools, wise men are never satisfied in death because they know they have much to offer this world and that death will halt their progression in their opportunity to serve others. Wise men on their deathbeds need transitioners to carry the fire of wisdom to a foolish world. Wise transitioners are crucial to this ever-changing world; for it is they who pave the way for the undecided.

We live in a world with a growing number of fools and a dwindling number of wise men. The greatest mistake humanity could make is allowing for the extinction of the wise. Unfortunately, we see numerous individuals in the rising generation choose the path of fools by taking on less responsibility. Our world needs a renewed hope that transitioners will become wise.

I am a transitioner seeking wisdom. I know that by choosing to become wise, I will be a fool for taking upon myself more responsibility than self-serving fools. As more people take on less responsibility, wise transitioners, such as myself, with a fire for learning and wisdom must shoulder the burdens of a society that refuses to answer for its mistakes. I not only want to learn how to embrace more responsibility, but I feel a need to learn how to benefit those around me. Serving others is the most important lesson I have learned from my parents and from overcoming trials. I want to help transitioners of future generations choose the path of wisdom rather than the path of foolishness. I know that as a wise woman I will never be satisfied in the never-ending task of serving others. I know that I may die unsatisfied, but making a difference is what matters most. Each life I touch is a life that can reach out and help even more lives. Furthering my education will teach me how to use my knowledge and responsibility wisely, and those are just the beginning of a long list of reasons why I chose to attend Brigham Young University. I am surrounded by students everyday, fellow transitioners, and hopefully wise individuals of the future.

College is just one step on the path I am treading to help better my life and the lives of those around me. College is the beginning of a process that will take my whole life to complete: Service.

Everything There Is To Know About Riley Duck (17)

Tribute to my girl, Riley! We haven't even known each other for four months, yet we are the best of friends. Our hall mates refer to us as a married couple even. I cannot decide whether this is a compliment or not. Riley is a brilliant girl with more potential in her pinky toe than I have in my entire body. She is the whole package. Looks, smarts, personality, talent! She's got it all. And I am lucky enough to have her as a roommate this year, and possibly in future years, therefore I indirectly "have it all" too.

Although, Brigham Young University may not have been Riley's top choice growing up she took a leap of faith to join thousands of others as a freshman at a very prestigious university. Little did she know that she would be dancing for six hours a day as part of BYU's Theater Ballet Company. It's not a big deal, she's just a pro. In fact, she lived in New York for three years before coming out to Happy Valley, while in New York she attended the School of American Ballet. Like I said, she's got some great credentials. Her parents are the sweetest. I have to say that I love everything about them. I haven't met her twin brother yet, he attends NYU, but I'm sure someday I will have the privilege to laugh in his presence. He seems like a pretty funny guy from what Riley tells me.

Of course I could brag forever about all of the wonderful traits my roommate encompasses, but instead I would rather focus on how blessed I am to have her in my life. She humbles me daily. She laughs with me always (if she is paying attention). She chastises me for getting sick and rants about washing hands and covering coughing mouths; needless to say she is a germaphobe. She studies like crazy and works super hard. She dances like an angel at the feet of God's throne. She is exactly the type of person I need and all I could ever want. I love my roommate.

Marriage is a Journey (16)

“The family is ordained of God” (Church). The organization of the family is one of the main keys to happiness in this life, but many wonder why so many trials occur within our homes and between loved ones. Many families, if not all, are considered dysfunctional by one standard or another; my family is no exception. In fact, the marriages that have occurred within my family in the past seventy years are the reason behind the “why” of my research. To solve the mystery of dysfunction one must evaluate the essential factors that comprise the overall well-being of the family unit including: marriage age, divorce, and familial religiosity.

A few decades ago, in 1990, a young man met a beautiful young woman at Institute, and in turn fell in love with her. She was not convinced though, and rejected his attempts of courting more than once. As a last ditch effort a bouquet of flowers were sent to her workplace; surly he would get a date now. After persuasion from coworkers, and reassurance that if given a pity date she would never have to see him again, she accepted. Realizing that this was his only chance with the woman of his dreams he determined to make it the best date ever. He planned for them to dine at the Peachtree Plaza in Atlanta, Georgia and afterwards explore the night life via horse drawn carriage. She endured the evening and when her date got down on one knee inside a horse drawn carriage with an engagement ring in hand she was absolutely stunned.

"Is this real?" she asked. Mistaking her question as one concerning the authenticity of the rock the scared twenty-something fumbled his words as he explained ring and rock quality. She quickly stopped him and rephrased the question, "I mean to ask, are you really asking me this question? On the first date?"

Mortified, he responded, "Yes."

Taken by surprise, it is understandable that she did not give him an answer that night. Two days later, after much prayer, in the middle of Sacrament meeting my mom leaned over to my dad's roommate and whispered, "You just lost a roommate." Then she turned to my dad and simply said, "Yes." Needless to say, he did not have the strength to stand for the rest hymn. 

            Many would think that my parents have had an “easy go” at marriage with such a romantic story to start off their relationship, but the truth is: they have endured many heartaches and conflicts over the past twenty-four years that have made staying together one of the hardest decisions of all. Unlike both sets of my grandparents, my parents were not especially young when they tied the knot and began having children. All of my grandparents fit the 18-22 age range when they exchanged vows, whereas my parents were twenty-two and twenty-seven. Both sets of my grandparents also had a child within the first two years of marriage, whereas my parents gave birth to me five and half years later. Is there something to be said for waiting? In the context of marriage is age no longer “just a number”?

            Yes, there is something to be said for waiting, but there is also a case against waiting “too long”. And sadly, no, age is no longer just a number. Age is now said to be a factor in successful marriages and happy families.

            In today’s society, many college students forego marriage and children until after their undergraduate and even graduate work is completed. This appears to be a smart way to navigate the “next stage of life” by postponing such commitments until one is settled with a stable job. The mindset of said educated individual may be in the right place, but what their mind has not quite caught onto is the fact that college is the best place to meet people their age with similar goals. (McArdle) In McArdle’s article she introduces Keith Humphrey’s “Grandma’s lamp” problem to show why waiting until you have “settled” is not always the best idea. The problem with “Grandma’s lamp” is:

“When you've lived in a room a long time, it can be difficult to find a lamp that exactly suits a lifetime of accumulated bric-a-brac. And similarly, when you've spent decades building a life, it can be hard to find someone who fits with all the choices you've already made about where to live, what hobbies and interests you will pursue, what sort of hours you will work, and so forth. ‘[The educated individual] has their life's apartment,’ Humphreys writes of an acquaintance who is searching for a spouse as [they] approach 40, ‘the wallpaper, the carpet, and the furnishings, and wants that perfect lamp that will accentuate everything in its current form, detract from nothing, and require nothing to be moved even an inch. And [they are] dating [others] who are on the same quest, but apparently looking for an equally particular but different lamp.’"

            On the other hand many uneducated individuals, who are living in poverty and cannot afford contraceptives, are having children at young ages (and frequently out of wedlock) resulting in many negative factors for those children including a higher likelihood for substance abuse, depression, and suicide (McArdle). These two contradictions make an establishment for a prime age of marriage very difficult. One article’s stance is “that we should all decide to try to marry earlier -- or at least to start looking before the magic age of 28” (McArdle). Fortunately for me, most students at Brigham Young University do not struggle with said age quota; I may be able to time my marriage age just right in order to have a successful future family life after all.

            Divorce. For worse or for better, divorce is a word with many negative connotations. When my dad was younger his parents divorced and growing up became that much harder for him. He was the youngest of three children and both of his older siblings were grown and out of the house; he was alone. His education was disrupted on more than one occasion, and he was never in the same place long enough to maintain a regular attendance in the scouting program. As a result, my dad cannot claim the proud title of Eagle Scout; which is an obvious disappointment when brought up in his conversations as an adult scout leader. Despite all of the negative aspects of divorce, my dad was able to attend school in England and live outside of the United States for a short while with his mother and stepfather. This experience gave him more exposure to culture and also an extra year of LDS Seminary.

All in all, I think my dad grew up to be a pretty standup guy with great morals and a keen focus on things that really matter. According to statistics my dad is an anomaly; unlike the majority of children who grow up in divorced or single-parent homes, he has not had issues with suicide, depression, or substance abuse. (Amato) His experience with divorce is best represented by the crisis model of the divorce-stress-adjustment perspective, which claims that although things may be bad at first positive characteristics can come from divorce. The chronic strain model is seen more frequently in children from divorced homes and is contradictory to the crisis model. (Amato)

Divorce is not as far removed as my grandparents’ relationship though. In fact it hits a lot closer to home than one generation removed. Throughout my high school experience I viewed my parent’s marriage as a daily struggle with all of the conflict that arose in our home, and many days I questioned whether divorce would be better for them than staying together. My teenage years were not the greatest because of the contention at my house and many days I would prefer school and work over the confines of the shelter referred to as “home.”

Luckily, in recent months, through various types of interventions, my parents seem to have reconciled and made home life a little more bearable for themselves and my younger siblings. Although, divorce could have been a quicker and possibly easier answer to their struggles they made a conscious choice to stay. It wasn’t a choice of staying “just for the kids” or “just for the social image”; it was a direct decision of dedication and devotion to one another. My only regret is that this decision was not made earlier in their marriage when the conflict first began.

In the April 2003 General Conference, F. Burton Howard, of the Quorum of the Seventy, gave a talk on eternal marriage in which a story of love and dedication was shared; a story that has stayed with me since I first heard the retelling.

“I think eternal marriage cannot be achieved without a commitment to make it work. Most of what I know about this I have learned from my companion. We have been married for almost 47 years now. From the beginning she knew what kind of marriage she wanted.

We started as poor college students, but her vision for our marriage was exemplified by a set of silverware. As is common today, when we married she registered with a local department store. Instead of listing all the pots and pans and appliances we needed and hoped to receive, she chose another course. She asked for silverware. She chose a pattern and the number of place settings and listed knives, forks, and spoons on the wedding registry and nothing else. No towels, no toasters, no television—just knives, forks, and spoons.

The wedding came and went. Our friends and our parents’ friends gave gifts. We departed for a brief honeymoon and decided to open the presents when we returned. When we did so, we were shocked. There was not a single knife or fork in the lot. We joked about it and went on with our lives.

Two children came along while we were in law school. We had no money to spare. But when my wife worked as a part-time election judge or when someone gave her a few dollars for her birthday, she would quietly set it aside, and when she had enough she would go to town to buy a fork or a spoon. It took us several years to accumulate enough pieces to use them. When we finally had service for four, we began to invite some of our friends for dinner.

Before they came, we would have a little discussion in the kitchen. Which utensils would we use, the battered and mismatched stainless or the special silverware? In those early days I would often vote for the stainless. It was easier. You could just throw it in the dishwasher after the meal, and it took care of itself. The silver, on the other hand, was a lot of work. My wife had it hidden away under the bed where it could not be found easily by a burglar. She had insisted that I buy a tarnish-free cloth to wrap it in. Each piece was in a separate pocket, and it was no easy task to assemble all the pieces. When the silver was used, it had to be hand washed and dried so that it would not spot, and put back in the pockets so it would not tarnish, and wrapped up and carefully hidden again so it would not get stolen. If any tarnish was discovered, I was sent to buy silver polish, and together we carefully rubbed the stains away.

Over the years we added to the set, and I watched with amazement how she cared for the silver. My wife was never one to get angry easily. However, I remember the day when one of our children somehow got hold of one of the silver forks and wanted to use it to dig up the backyard. That attempt was met with a fiery glare and a warning not to even think about it. Ever!

I noticed that the silverware never went to the many ward dinners she cooked, or never accompanied the many meals she made and sent to others who were sick or needy. It never went on picnics and never went camping. In fact it never went anywhere; and, as time went by, it didn’t even come to the table very often. Some of our friends were weighed in the balance, found wanting, and didn’t even know it. They got the stainless when they came to dinner.

The time came when we were called to go on a mission. I arrived home one day and was told that I had to rent a safe-deposit box for the silver. She didn’t want to take it with us. She didn’t want to leave it behind. And she didn’t want to lose it.

For years I thought she was just a little bit eccentric, and then one day I realized that she had known for a long time something that I was just beginning to understand. If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently. You shield it and protect it. You never abuse it. You don’t expose it to the elements. You don’t make it common or ordinary. If it ever becomes tarnished, you lovingly polish it until it gleams like new. It becomes special because you have made it so, and it grows more beautiful and precious as time goes by.

Eternal marriage is just like that. We need to treat it just that way. I pray that we may see it for the priceless gift that it is.”

Marriage age and divorce may play a role in the happiness of a marriage and family, but the key ingredient to making a marriage work is dedication and commitment.

How can dedication and commitment endure the toughest of times though? When young couples have three children all under the age of five running and screaming around the house at all hours of the day and night limits can be reached and tested. When a couple going on twenty years of marriage can’t put on a brave enough face to smile at one another anymore after being unemployed for months voices are raised and hurtful words are spouted. The answer to finding the strength for devotion and love through all of life’s hardships is Christ. Knowing that we can rely on a Savior who knows us perfectly can help us become selfless and forgiving. A marriage founded upon the principles of service is one of strength and empowering selflessness. Forgiveness is also essential, because neither spouse nor any child will ever be perfect in this life. Families truly are forever and the time when we can enjoy our families most without negative interactions and thoughts may just be in the next life.

Christian families are not the only ones who can be happy though. Research performed by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services shows that “a religious or spiritual orientation is identified by many researchers as an important component of strong families. Indeed, [it has been] noted that all studies have found some aspect of religiosity or spirituality as a component of strong families” (Krysan). Whether you believe in Allah, Krishna, God, or any other Supreme Being having a familial religiosity will strengthen marriage and family bonds throughout the years.

            Families are forever, despite dysfunction and disorder. Healthy marriages are essential factors in the well-being of children and family units. In this mortal existence a “perfect marriage” is far from attainable. However, when a man and woman work hard to keep their family together, and always remember the Lord Jesus Christ as a key member in their home, marriage can become a joy rather than a daily struggle. Marriage age, divorce, and familial religiosity are all key factors that require evaluation when unlocking the mysteries to a happy marriage and family. The real secret is dedication though; whether you are twenty-five or ninety-five, dedication to spouse and family is crucial and should be the focus of every member in every family. Dedication and devotion is the answer for improving our marriages, the well-being of our children, and our overall happiness in this life.

Works Cited

Amato, Paul R. "The Consequences of Divorce for Adults and Children." Journal of

Marriage & Family 62.4 (2000): 1269-87. Print.

Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. First Presidency. The Family, a

Proclamation to the World. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Salt Lake

City, 1995. Web.

Howard, F. Burton. Eternal Marriage and the Parable of the Silverware. Deseret Book,

Salt Lake City, Utah, 2004. Web.

Krysan, Maria. "Research on Successful Families." Ed. Kristin A. Moore, Nicholas Zill.

May 1990.Web.

Langhinrichsen-Rohling, Jennifer, Hester Dooley, and Ruth Langhinrichs. "Dating."

Encyclopedia of Human Development. Ed. Neil J. Salkind. 1 Vol. Thousand Oaks,

CA: SAGE Reference, 2006. 334-338. Print.

McArdle, Megan. "What are You Waiting for?" Newsweek Global 161.20 (2013): 1-.

Print.

Norton, Arthur J. Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage in the 1990's. Eds. Louisa Miller

and United States. U.S. Dept. of Commerce, Economics and Statistics

Administration, Bureau of the Census: For Sale by Supt. of Docs., U.S. G.P.O.,

Washington, D.C., 1992. Print.